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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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Sharing household responsibilities
EQUILIBRIUM in household duties is crucial in a romantic partnership. If one partner starts to feel the scales are unbalanced, it can show up negatively in other areas of the relationship. A marriage is a partnership, and a good partnership is about working together to achieve common goals. One common goal to every married couple is maintaining their responsibilities. In the past this was easily defined.
Today’s married life is much different from that of decades past. Within most households you’ll find that not only are both people expected to work, but they both also need to help keep up with daily household responsibilities and child raising. Handling these responsibilities have unfortunately become the starting point for many disagreements for couples. It is in the best interest of both partners in the relationship to settle how the responsibilities will be shared. Approach the topic of sharing the responsibilities with these creative tips from relationship specialist Jennifer Good.
To start, you’ll need to list every responsibility that needs to be handled. Your list should include everything from cleaning the toilets to taking your children to soccer practice. Be sure to include activities like helping your kids with homework or special school projects, family outings and date nights. Next to each item place how long each responsibility should take. Make it a point to over-estimate these times. When you’ve compiled your list, sit down with your partner and go over which things each of you would like to be responsible for. Mark your names next to each responsibility. If you have children, I would highly recommend making them a part of this process as well.
Let them choose the things they would like to contribute to as well. Not only will this give you a few less things to do, but it will also increase your child’s overall feelings of self-worth. Another point to consider is when it’s better to call for outside help. In some situations it may be better trade off to pay for a housekeeper, a gardener or even a nanny/babysitter to help out. The time you save can often be well worth the money you spend. In every situation it is important not to criticize your partner for the way they do things. Each person comes from different traditions and backgrounds.
The way you do things isn’t the only way. If you criticize your partner you eventually make it so your partner will give up before even trying because they know they won’t please you. Instead, make sure to highlight the things they do that you like.
If you have to ask that they go about things a different way, approach them as you would a close friend. Not everyone is going to get to every single thing that needs to be done. All that truly matters is that you are in communication with each other about the things you are doing. If you can’t do something, let your partner know that, and the reasons for it before it was supposed to be done. Most squabbles over household duties are really about not being appreciated and feeling things are off-balance. If you can make the effort before something becomes a problem you will find a much happier home life.
Ten traits that make her a great girlfriend
I MUST admit that playing the field is a whole lot of fun, but so is being in a serious relationship, provided that it’s with the right woman.
But how do you know if she really is the right woman for you? If she possesses the following 10 traits, you better hold on to her for dear life or, before you know it, a guy who already knows where it’s at will get his hands on your “goods.”
1. She’s independent:
No one wants a girlfriend they have to baby-sit. Once in a while, like if she’s had a rough day at work, it’s great to be her shoulder to cry on, but if she can’t seem to function without you and is constantly after you, she will eventually make you feel like you’re suffocating, which is a surefire way to get you running out the nearest exit. On the other hand, if she has her very own personality and opinions, can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally, and is able to enjoy time away from you, while still missing you, of course, then she must be a great girlfriend.
2. She’s intelligent:
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the bimbo routine gets real old, real fast. Instead of being the one in total control, you’ll find yourself trying to figure out what she’s really thinking behind those glazed eyes of hers, or if she’s actually thinking at all. An intelligent woman will constantly surprise you and keep you on your toes. She won’t let you get bored of her. Besides, it’s nice to have something to talk about between all that chandelier-hanging sex.
3. She’s sexual:
While we’re on the topic, a great girlfriend has to be sexually compatible with you. The two of you have to be on the same page or, at least, close to the same page. Of course, this doesn’t imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away; it simply means that you and she have an undeniable attraction toward each other, and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues). It is important that you please each other in the bedroom.
4. She’s beautiful:
I know, this one is kind of obvious, but important nonetheless. A great girlfriend will not only want to look good for you, but also for herself. She should always look her best and be well put together. You have to be proud to have her on your arm and enjoy the sight of her in any light.
5. She respects you:
This is a biggie. Your woman must respect you. This means that she listens to you, even if she doesn’t necessarily agree with what you’re saying. And, of course, she never tries to demean or belittle you in any way, shape or form. A great girlfriend won’t ever cause scenes in public or in front of your friends and family, and will always wait to discuss matters with you in private. If she respects you, chances are that she will behave in a tactful and diplomatic manner in most situations, which is definitely a good thing.
6. She lets you be a man:
A good girlfriend lets you be a guy in all your glory. She has to understand that men and women are different and should allow you to be yourself. Just like you wouldn’t deprive her of going shopping with her best girlfriend, she shouldn’t expect you to give up the guys for her.
7. She’s nagless:
There is nothing worse than a nag! A great girlfriend knows this and chooses her battles wisely. She knows when to speak up and when to let it slide. You don’t want a girlfriend who will give you hell for leaving a couple of dishes in the sink occasionally. However, if you live together and you stay out all night without calling her, and she lets you have it, then you’re setting yourself up for disaster. This is a situation that nobody would let slide, not even a great girlfriend.
8. She gets along with friends and family:
A great girlfriend will not only help your mom in the kitchen, listen to your dad’s stories and hang out with your friends, but she will enjoy it. She’ll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. And she won’t try to get you to ditch your best buds. She’ll actually empathize with your brother’s getting dumped and suggest that you guys take him out to cheer him up. Not only that, but your friends won’t roll their eyes and moan when you mention that she’ll be joining you guys when she gets off work (yes, women like this do exist).
9. She loves you:
If you have found a woman who loves you for who you really are and not who you pretend or try to be sometimes, you should definitely hang on to her. A woman who doesn’t try to change you is hard to find. Of course, all women have their slightly annoying habits that their mate has to contend with, but if she really loves you, she will be able to cope with these. Another way to know if she really loves you is by observing the way she looks at you and treats you on an everyday basis. If the sight of you doesn‘t seem to faze her either way, and she doesn’t really seem to care about what you have to say, she’s either playing very hard to get, or sees you as just some guy. But if a surprise visit or phone call from you makes her light up, there’s no denying that she loves you.
10. She makes you want to be a better man:
Stop making that face, any man who has a great girlfriend or wife will tell you that she makes him want to be a better man. She doesn’t have to say or do anything; it just is that way. If you suddenly feel bad about how you treated your sister or find yourself trying to get your finances in order, you might want to think about your motivation for doing so. It could be love.
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