Vol No: 83,
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The Love Thing

THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk


Just one night and itís over

Well, here is the story. I met a guy the other day, and we have been talking for awhile about different things. I thought everything was going great. Well, we met up one night and we had sex. To me it was wonderful, and I thought something was going to come of it. Except, now he is saying we moved too fast, he just wants to be friends for now and maybe in the future have something more. I am really hurt over this because I feel when you do something like that it is supposed to be special. I am so confused and hurt. I think about him all the time and itís just really getting to me. I donít know what to do. I donít even know if I can be his friend right now. What should I do? Should I just leave him alone and forget about what happened?

*Sex is something that is a serious responsibility, and should be treated as so. If you feel that sex is something special then you need to make sure the sexual partners you choose also feel the same way. You canít assume the other person has the same viewpoints you do. You have to ask and question these things; otherwise you can find yourself in the same situation you are in. A week or so isnít typically enough time to find out this type of information. In the future, if you want to avoid getting hurt like this, guard your sexuality until you are sure the other person shares your same viewpoints. That doesnít mean donít have sex, or that your viewpoints canít change. If you understand and are willingly to have a non-committal fling then that is great; just make sure that is what you want and what the other person wants. As for your current situation, Iíd say forget him. If it causes you too much pain to be around him, let sleeping dogs lie for awhile. Maybe in a few months you can rethink the friendship aspect of the relationship.
My husband and I donít talk

There seems to be a communication gap between my husband and me. We have been married for 22 years now. During the last 5 years, things seem to have been breaking down more and more between us.

We donít have a conversation for more than 2 minutes with one another. My eldest daughter asked us some time back why we donít want to get divorced as there is no communication between us anymore. How do I rectify this?


*I believe when there is a serious communication issue in a marriage such as this; there is also a serious priority problem. Look at it this way, if you were about to lose your employment because you where not placing enough importance on an area of your work, Iím fairly certain you would make every effort to correct this. Your relationship with your spouse is one of the most important aspects of your life. If you donít make time to talk, play and just plain enjoy being together, you might as well not be married. You certainly arenít acting like you are.

My advice is simple. Do whatever it takes to get ďitĒ back. Go away for the weekend. Go to some place where there are no TVs, phones, or other distractions. If you are unable to arrange private time like this, then plan a date night where you can spend quality time together. The bottom line here is if you donít make this marriage a priority, youíre not going to have a marriage. Instead of finding yourself without words you will find yourself without a spouse.


I canít attract anyone

Iím not the prettiest girl, but Iím not the ugliest either. Men never even look at me, they donít ask me out, and I havenít even had a date for a year. When I did date, I was always the one asking the men out. They accepted, but they always expect something in return. So, how do I get over being such a loser with men?

*Well, first, you probably need a bit of attitude adjustment. No one wants to be around someone who is so down on themselves. You can feel it on the inside, but do not let it show on the outside. I know after lacking attention for such a long period of time it can be difficult to not give into the negative feelings.

The best way to handle a problem though is to figure out how to fix it. If you feel your looks are the problem, then change them. Go out and get an awesome new hair colour and style. Go to a few different make up stores and get a free make over done. I recommend more than one, that way you can compare different styles and see what you like best. After about three you can see a pattern emerge and a style that you prefer. Next, consider jazzing up your wardrobe.

Mix and match things you already have. Dress up a little more than normal. For example, high heels with your jeans; skirts instead of shorts. Once youíve got your new ďlookĒ sewn up, itís time to work on your social situation. If youíre not getting asked out, chances are youíre not around enough people or situations to get asked out. Go out to more public places like shows, special interactive events, etc. The point is to go to places where people are supposed to talk with each other. If you can follow these tips you will find a dramatic increase in your social life.
Am lonely with two children

I just want to know what I should do. My exboyfriend and I just broke up a month ago. We have two kids together. When we lived together he would not do any thing to help me around the house. I was the one going to work full-time and I was the one taking care of the children all the time.

I could not get any time to myself and I also did the cooking and cleaning etcÖ Iím the type of person who likes to cuddle and he told me I was too clingy. ow you see, Iím only 21 years old and I was with this guy for three and a half years. He just moved into his mom and dadís place and I live with my parents now. He keeps telling me that he wants to work things out, but it seems to me like heís not trying to make a change because he sleeps all day. I tried everything to get him out of bed and he told me I was too controlling.

When I ask him about us, he says he doesnít want to talk about us right now. Yet, he says he wants to work things out? ow my question is: should I move on or should I wait around for him?


*To be completely honest, it sounds like your ex has some serious growing up to do. He wants you to be there to clean, cook and work, but he canít even be bothered to get out of bed. What type of relationship is that? Would you want your kids to be in a relationship like this? What kind of example is he to your children as a male role model? If itís like this after only three years, imagine what it would be like five or ten years down the road.

This point of your life should be about self-discovery, not working your butt off for zero rewards. If you want to jump back into the relationship because itís comfortable thatís your choice. Honestly, you could do a lot better than this guy if you randomly picked someone off the street.

To me this is a nobrainer. Leave him and donít look back.
 

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